Oh man! I feel you. There are so many things in your text I can relate to. By the way I think that strangers kind words always got special power. You don’t expect it and they hit you so hard in the moment you’re down and someone nails it with their comment.
Thank you Jens. I totally agree with you: There's something so powerful about a well-timed comment from a stranger! It can make such a difference. I suppose it's a reminder to be generous with one's compliments to strangers as well. I'm often so self-conscious that I'll keep compliments to myself even when I feel like saying them to folks.
Thank you Jacob for sharing your experience so beautifully. For the rest of us who have "warts and all" your love is a beautiful beautiful thing. Thank you.
"I’ve accepted my son may never speak—and I certainly haven’t given up on helping him communicate in whatever way works best for him—but the thought of never having a conversation with my son or to never hear him say “I love you dad” continues to pierce my heart on an almost daily basis."
This line resonated deeply with me as a father to a six-year-old daughter who's also nonverbal.
What's even more heartbreaking is that she clearly wants to communicate with us, but she lacks the muscle coordination to do so. We can decipher some needs she has based on the sounds she can make. And there have been some small wins where it almost sounds like she's trying to say the word "more" or "music" (we're not 100% sure which one it is, but I'd bet a lot of money on music since she's obsessed with it).
Thank you for sharing Lyle. You're right that it's a daily struggle, but I'm grateful to have writers like you on this platform that help me feel less alone. I hope I can support you on your journey as well.
Oh, I love this so much. This captures my feelings exactly with taking my autistic son to appointments.
Taking him to the eye doctor and him not being able to stare, unblinking, into the eye pressure machine and maintain 10 seconds of eye contact needed for the assessment and the technician getting upset with him for “not cooperating” and then me struggling to explain he really can’t maintain eye contact with anything and did she see he’s autistic on his chart. . but she didn’t understand and remained frustrated. Ah, these situations are so, so, so exhausting. For everyone involved.
I am always so caught in the middle of my feelings of wanting/needing to “explain” my son and why he’s doing what he’s doing or talking in the way he is or why he’s gravitating to the toddlers in the waiting room to play (he’s 9) and then the flip side of thinking I don’t have to explain him, he can just be in the world and be who he is. But it’s always a conundrum in these situations for the reasons you articulated.
What a gift to have someone see you in that moment as a parent and simply remind you that you’re a good dad. I’m so glad she knew that’s what needed to be said in that moment.
Thank you for sharing your experience Breeann. Hearing from other parents in similar situations makes me feel understood and less alone. I, too, always struggle with should I "explain" my son or simply let him be in the world. I appreciate your kind words and your presence here—it means so much to me.
This is such a beautiful peace. I feel your frustration and exhaustion and love. I have no children so I have nothing to offer there, but I think you must be an amazing dad.
You are not failing your son. You are a living dad doing the best you can. Autism is hard in so many ways, both for the kid and the parent. All you can do is love your son, keep him safe and healthy to the best of your ability, and stop worrying about what other people think. You are the expert on your child. Own that.
Thank you for the kind and encouraging words Janine. You are absolutely right about being "the expert on your child." It's so easy to doubt yourself, especially in the presence of other parents when your child is perceived to be "misbehaving." I will keep loving him and strive to keep him safe and healthy. Thanks again for the kind words and support. I'm grateful for your presence here.
This is the feel-good ending I love to read. So touching, Jacob. I wonder what my father thinks when we're in a difficult situation. Whether it's parallel - me thinking I'm failing him and him thinking he's failing me? Maybe neither is true haha! I loved your piece. Thank you for being vulnerable and showing up for your kid 🧿
Thank you Mohika for your kind words and for sharing. I think these situations are often difficult for both parent and child as you point out in your comment. I appreciate you being here.
What I see: You’re doing some hard work with patience and compassion, and you’re committed to the long journey. You were already built for that, and you’ll become even stronger. May fortune favor you, your family, and this special son.
Thank you for the beautiful words and wishes Lewis. I'm certainly committed to the long journey, and comments like yours help make it a better one. Thanks again.
so much love comes through in these stories about your son, love reading them
Thank you Anna. I always appreciate and am grateful for your presence here.
Oh man! I feel you. There are so many things in your text I can relate to. By the way I think that strangers kind words always got special power. You don’t expect it and they hit you so hard in the moment you’re down and someone nails it with their comment.
Thank you Jens. I totally agree with you: There's something so powerful about a well-timed comment from a stranger! It can make such a difference. I suppose it's a reminder to be generous with one's compliments to strangers as well. I'm often so self-conscious that I'll keep compliments to myself even when I feel like saying them to folks.
Thank you Jacob for sharing your experience so beautifully. For the rest of us who have "warts and all" your love is a beautiful beautiful thing. Thank you.
Thank you so much for your kind words Ian. It means a lot to me.
I'm sure you are a great dad. So glad you got that doctor on that day, and that she took care of both of you. It makes me wonder what her story is...
Thanks Maria. Indeed, I'm sure she has a story to share! Or perhaps just great intuition for her patients? Either way, I, too, am grateful for her.
"I’ve accepted my son may never speak—and I certainly haven’t given up on helping him communicate in whatever way works best for him—but the thought of never having a conversation with my son or to never hear him say “I love you dad” continues to pierce my heart on an almost daily basis."
This line resonated deeply with me as a father to a six-year-old daughter who's also nonverbal.
What's even more heartbreaking is that she clearly wants to communicate with us, but she lacks the muscle coordination to do so. We can decipher some needs she has based on the sounds she can make. And there have been some small wins where it almost sounds like she's trying to say the word "more" or "music" (we're not 100% sure which one it is, but I'd bet a lot of money on music since she's obsessed with it).
It truly is a daily struggle.
Thank you for sharing Lyle. You're right that it's a daily struggle, but I'm grateful to have writers like you on this platform that help me feel less alone. I hope I can support you on your journey as well.
Oh, I love this so much. This captures my feelings exactly with taking my autistic son to appointments.
Taking him to the eye doctor and him not being able to stare, unblinking, into the eye pressure machine and maintain 10 seconds of eye contact needed for the assessment and the technician getting upset with him for “not cooperating” and then me struggling to explain he really can’t maintain eye contact with anything and did she see he’s autistic on his chart. . but she didn’t understand and remained frustrated. Ah, these situations are so, so, so exhausting. For everyone involved.
I am always so caught in the middle of my feelings of wanting/needing to “explain” my son and why he’s doing what he’s doing or talking in the way he is or why he’s gravitating to the toddlers in the waiting room to play (he’s 9) and then the flip side of thinking I don’t have to explain him, he can just be in the world and be who he is. But it’s always a conundrum in these situations for the reasons you articulated.
What a gift to have someone see you in that moment as a parent and simply remind you that you’re a good dad. I’m so glad she knew that’s what needed to be said in that moment.
You are a good dad and being a good dad is hard.
Thanks for writing this!
Thank you for sharing your experience Breeann. Hearing from other parents in similar situations makes me feel understood and less alone. I, too, always struggle with should I "explain" my son or simply let him be in the world. I appreciate your kind words and your presence here—it means so much to me.
This is such a beautiful peace. I feel your frustration and exhaustion and love. I have no children so I have nothing to offer there, but I think you must be an amazing dad.
Thank you LeeAnn for your kind words. It's appreciated.
You are not failing your son. You are a living dad doing the best you can. Autism is hard in so many ways, both for the kid and the parent. All you can do is love your son, keep him safe and healthy to the best of your ability, and stop worrying about what other people think. You are the expert on your child. Own that.
Thank you for the kind and encouraging words Janine. You are absolutely right about being "the expert on your child." It's so easy to doubt yourself, especially in the presence of other parents when your child is perceived to be "misbehaving." I will keep loving him and strive to keep him safe and healthy. Thanks again for the kind words and support. I'm grateful for your presence here.
You are a great dad 💜
Thank you so much Shaista 🙏🏻
This is the feel-good ending I love to read. So touching, Jacob. I wonder what my father thinks when we're in a difficult situation. Whether it's parallel - me thinking I'm failing him and him thinking he's failing me? Maybe neither is true haha! I loved your piece. Thank you for being vulnerable and showing up for your kid 🧿
Thank you Mohika for your kind words and for sharing. I think these situations are often difficult for both parent and child as you point out in your comment. I appreciate you being here.
What I see: You’re doing some hard work with patience and compassion, and you’re committed to the long journey. You were already built for that, and you’ll become even stronger. May fortune favor you, your family, and this special son.
Thank you for the beautiful words and wishes Lewis. I'm certainly committed to the long journey, and comments like yours help make it a better one. Thanks again.
I'm glad the Dr was able to give you the reassurance that you needed.
Thank you Lorna—me too.