Welcome to Another Installment of Dad’s Bookshelf:
Welcome to another installment of dad’s bookshelf: The ongoing series where I share my reading notes, insights, and favorite quotes from the books I read.
If there’s a book you think I should read or want me to cover next, please let me know in the comments or by sending a DM.
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About the Book: How to Change
Pages: 268
Publisher: Portfolio
Year: May 2021
Each chapter targets a specific obstacle to behavior change and offers several tactical solutions to “show you how to identify your adversary, understand how that adversary tries to thwart your progress, and apply scientifically proven techniques that are tailor-made to vanquish it.” The promise of How to Change, then, is “By the time you’re finished reading, you’ll know how to recognize these obstacles [to successful behavior change] and what can help you overcome them.”
About the Author: Katy Milkman
From her official website:
Katy Milkman is the James G. Dinan Professor at The Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania, host of Charles Schwab’s popular behavioral economics podcast Choiceology, and the former president of the international Society for Judgment and Decision Making. She is also the co-founder and co-director of the Behavior Change for Good Initiative, a research center with the mission of advancing the science of lasting behavior change . . . Katy has worked with or advised dozens of organizations on how to spur positive change, including Google, the White House, Walmart and the U.S. Department of Defense. She has published over 60 papers in leading academic journals such as Nature, The Journal of Finance, and The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.
What follows is my best effort to summarize and share what I learned from this book. Any errors or misrepresentation is, of course, my fault and not the author’s. Meanwhile, all credit for the insights and other goodies goes to the author. —JWB
Chapter 1: Getting Started
Who doesn’t love the feeling of a fresh start, a new beginning? Wiping the slate clean or, as Milkman puts it, “relegat[ing] your failures more cleanly to the past”?
The opening chapter explores the Fresh Start Effect. Fresh starts are great opportunities to change our behavior because they can interrupt our bad habits, provide an opportunity to imagine a more positive future, and can create much-needed distance from our previous failures:
When we surveyed a panel of Americans about how they feel on fresh start dates such as New Year’s or their birthday, we heard again and again that new beginnings offer a kind of psychological “do-over.” People feel distanced from their past failures; they feel like a different person—a person with reason to be optimistic about the future. We’re more likely to pursue change on dates that feel like new beginnings because these moments help us overcome a common obstacle to goal initiation: the sense that we’ve failed before and will, thus, fail again . . . These new beginnings can also lead us to pause, reflect, and think about the bigger picture, which makes us more likely to consider trying to make a change.
The problem, as Milkman points out, is how rare blank slates actually are: “Almost all of the behaviors we want to change are everyday, customary, and baked into our hectic and well-established routines.”
We can counteract this by recreating the feeling of having a fresh start. Because we tend to think of our lives episodically (“The graduate school years,” “The pre-kid years,” etc.), fresh starts provide the feeling of turning the page and starting a new chapter where change is actually possible.
Some fresh start dates are more powerful than others (a new year understandably has more symbolic weight than the start of a new week), but several calendar dates and life events, Milkman tells us, can be leveraged in the pursuit of changing our behavior:
Fresh starts can take the following forms:
Calendar dates (new year, season, semester, quarter, month, or even week)
Birthdays, anniversaries, or graduations
After meaningful life events (health scare, becoming a parent, or relocating)
When success metrics can be reset back to zero (Milkman tells the story of a mid-season trade where an underperforming baseball player’s stats are reset for a new team in a new league, giving him the opportunity to essentially start the season over)
Chapter 2: Impulsivity
Milkman is quick to point out fresh starts aren’t enough. You can be positive about the changes you want to make and feel like you have a clean slate, but you need to recognize and understand what caused you to slip up last time around.
While fresh starts may be helpful in providing the right psychological conditions for change, chapter two addresses one of the main obstacles to behavior change: Present bias or impulsivity. A term used by economists, “present bias” is the universal human tendency to favor instantly gratifying temptations over larger long-term rewards.
We know “Doing the ‘right’ thing is often unsatisfying in the short-term” and, making things even more challenging, data supports the idea we tend to think almost exclusively about the benefits of the changes we want to make rather than the short-term pain involved in making those changes. Consequently, many of us are overconfident and overestimate our self-discipline:
This is why so many of us optimistically buy expensive gym memberships when paying per-visit fees would be cheaper, register for online classes we’ll never complete, and purchase family-size chips on discount to trim our monthly snack budget, only to consume every last crumb in a single sitting. We think “future me” will be able to make good choices, but too often “present me” succumbs to temptation.
So, Milkman asks, how can we turn things around “so that instant gratification is working for us, not against us.”
To illustrate how powerful fun can be in helping us overcome present bias, Milkman opens the chapter with a famous experiment conducted at Stockholm’s Odenplan metro station where a team of technicians funded by Volkswagen turned one of the metro’s staircases into working piano keys. 66 percent more Odenplan metro visitors chose the stairs over the escalator as a result. Rather than launching an expensive PR campaign about the health benefits of using the stairs over the escalator every day, they just made using the stairs a more novel, fun, and exciting experience.
To help us navigate the short-term pain of working in service of long-term goals, we need to incentivize ourselves by making the process more fun, so Milkman encourages us to add the proverbial lump of sugar.
Temptation bundling: Mixing a guilty pleasure (like binge-watching your favorite Netflix show) with a “virtuous or valuable activity that you tend to dread (such as exercise).”
To be effective, it requires “restrict[ing] an indulgence to whenever you’re doing a task that requires an extra boost of motivation (such as making it possible to listen to audiobooks only at the gym, and not in your car or on the bus).” In theory, temptation bundling feeds two cats with one bowl: It helps you reduce overindulgence (because, say, now you’ll only stream Netflix at the gym) while encouraging you to spend more time on the activities that serve your long-term goals.
Gamification: Recently here on Substack, Gurwinder wrote a viral article outlining all the insidious ways gamification has become ubiquitous in modern life. However, Milkman points out the benefits of gamifying things we’d rather not do assuming we buy into the game (i.e., we trust and like it). Gamification can involve symbolic rewards, friendly competition, and leaderboards. Perhaps the most extreme version of this but something I used many years ago is Habitica.
Chapter 3: Procrastination
Another symptom of present bias is procrastination. To combat this, Milkman offers the following two strategies:
Self-Imposed Constraints or “Commitment Devices.”
Milkman defines a commitment device as “Whenever you do something that reduces your own freedoms in the service of a greater goal.”
There are “hard” commitment devices with material consequences and clear penalties like a locked savings account or making cash pledges to websites like Beeminder and Stickk where you agree to forfeit your money if you don’t reach your stated, trackable goals. For example, Milkman tells the story of Nick Winter, a software engineer who pledged $14,000 dollars to Beeminder to force himself to write a book and go skydiving within three months—and he did it.
There are “soft” commitment devices with psychological and emotional consequences like public pledges where you risk cognitive dissonance and shame at letting folks down for not doing what you said you would.
Small Commitments Can Be More Effective Than Larger Ones.
Milkman cites studies supporting the claim that smaller, frequent commitments are more effective than larger, less frequent ones even if they’re serving the same goal. For example, one study revealed people are more likely to save $5 dollars a day instead of trying to save $1,825 dollars a year. Breaking the larger goal into a smaller one that was both daily and achievable made it more rewarding and less daunting.
Chapter 4: Forgetfulness
Although we may intentionally avoid taking action on our long-term goals to avoid short-term discomfort, what if we just plain forget to do the thing we said we’d do? Or we keep flaking out? Here are the strategies Milkman outlines for overcoming forgetfulness and remembering to do what we set out to:
Timely Reminders:
Alarms should always be used right before you’re going to do the action, and you should take action immediately. Obvious as this may sound—isn’t that what alarms are for?—if you become distracted, wait, or encounter any resistance/delay, you’ll likely forget to take action, especially if it’s a new behavior or habit you’re trying to create.
Create Cue-Based Habits:
Milkman offers the formula of “When __ happens, I’ll do __,” linking one action with a trigger in your environment. (In other words, you can make yourself Pavlov’s dog.) Anything that triggers your memory can function as a cue including a specific time, location, or object. The more unique or distinctive you can make the cue, the more likely it is to work.
Use Memory Palaces:
A memory palace is where you associate what you want to remember with familiar places. Milkman describes using a memory palace this way:
For instance, you might use your house (your “palace”) to commit a list to memory by imagining a walk through it and festooning each room you encounter with vivid imagery evoking items on your list. If you need to remember a long series of actions (say, picking up a prescription, dropping off muffins at a bake sale, mailing a letter, and so on), you might imagine pill bottles lining your entryway, muffins covering your kitchen, and letters piled in your bedroom. Then when it’s time to recall the day’s to-dos, you could close your eyes, make your way through your imagined house (filled with odd decorations) and recall what was in each room to trigger your memory.
Create Specific Plans:
To help prevent forgetfulness, Milkman recommends creating specific plans—how, when, where—that include time/date, clear steps or action items, and accountability (a “soft” or “hard” commitment device).
Use Chunking:
Break down large goals into smaller, achievable steps that are less daunting and easier to remember and act on. Remember the earlier example of saving $5 a day rather than $1,825 a year.
Avoid Having Too Many Cue-Based Plans or Action Items:
If you surround yourself with too many cues, you may become overwhelmed and less effective as you try to navigate multiple goals competing for your time. Milkman advises focusing on one or two goals at most.
Use a Checklist:
If what you need to remember is too complex (involving several, intricate steps, for example) or is high-stakes, you can create and use a checklist. To support the power and effectiveness of the humble checklist, Milkman refers to Atul Gawande’s book The Checklist Manifesto (which has been on my reading list for quite a while now).
Chapter 5: Laziness
Some folks bristle at the concept of laziness, and I understand why. I’m a bit allergic to it myself. Simply attributing my failures to create lasting behavior change to “laziness” feels reductive, and I find it’s usually more complicated than that; my laziness is often rooted in deeper issues related to my life and mental health.
Still, sometimes we may just lack motivation, and we may not want to do the “hard” things in favor of taking it easy. How can we overcome the temptation to take the easy road, the path of least resistance?
Putting Good Behavior on Autopilot with “Helpful Defaults”:
Milkman reminds us that our brains evolved to love shortcuts—the easy road—because it saves energy and is more efficient; acting automatically with the least amount of resistance is much easier than having to think through something and choose to act in specific ways. Because of this, she advises creating helpful “defaults” that encourage constructive behaviors aligned with our goals. The example she uses is setting your browser’s homepage to your work email instead of Facebook if the goal is to spend less time on social media.
Good Habits Are Structured but Flexible:
If the conditions for a habit are too rigid, you may not stick with it when life happens and you experience disruption to the routine. Milkman offers the example of someone who has committed to meditating in their office after their lunch break. If that post-lunch routine gets disrupted, it’s important that the person embraces this disruption and still finds a way to meditate rather than sticking to a rigid schedule and feeling like they missed their only window to meditate. Instead, if they find a way to meditate and reward themselves for doing it, the habit is more likely to become “sticky” because it is designed to accommodate occasional shifts or complications. In short, we want to design habits with clear conditions (“how, when, where”) but that are not too rigid.
Track Your Behavior and Create Streaks:
Keeping a record of our successes helps motivate us to continue while also holding ourselves accountable for failures. Milkman cites two notable examples of this at work:
Ben Franklin created and used a system of charts to track his daily success or failure across thirteen different virtues: Temperance, silence (avoiding gossip or small talk, basically), order, resolution, frugality, industry, sincerity, justice, moderation, cleanliness, tranquility, chastity, and humility.
Supposedly, Jerry Seinfeld had a period where he wrote a new joke every day motivated by the motto “Don’t break the streak.” I’ve also heard he physically marked his progress on a calendar.
My favorite app for this is Streaks. It’s iOS only, but you can, of course, find Android equivalents.
Milkman advises us to be wary about even the shortest lapse as it can snowball and lead to the dissolution of the habit. As James Clear has written, “One mistake is just an outlier. Two mistakes is the beginning of a pattern.” To avoid lapses, I’ve heard folks recommend having a “no back-to-back” or no consecutive misses rule wherein you commit to never missing your assigned habits two days in a row.
Habit Stack or Piggyback New Habits onto Established Ones:
“Link whatever you hope to start doing regularly . . . with something you already do habitually.” Milkman recalls integrating a short exercise routine into her already established morning routine once her daughter was born and Milkman didn’t have time to go to the gym. If you can find what’s already working and integrate a new habit into the routine, you increase your chances of success.
Chapter 6: Confidence
I’m often discouraged when I try to adopt new behaviors (or quit destructive ones) and keep failing. These failures to change can slowly erode our confidence and lead to limiting beliefs about our ability to change: I’m just not the type of person who can do “X.” To avoid this trap, Milkman offers the following advice:
Play the Role of Expert:
Putting yourself in the position of expert or advice-giver (rather than someone who is lost and in desperate need of advice) can boost confidence and help you hold yourself accountable (as to not look like a hypocrite). Even if you’re a novice, you can form an “advice club” with other folks trying to achieve a similar goal. By sharing your solicited advice and exchanging strategies of what’s working (or not), you can increase your chance of success.
“Expectations Shape Your Reality”:
Make it clear you believe in folks’ potential and surround yourself with folks who believe in yours.
Have Built-In “Emergency Passes”:
To maintain your confidence when trying to adopt a new behavior, Milkman encourages us to “set ambitious goals but to build in a limited number of ‘emergency passes.’” This way, if you miss a day, you can stay confident and not default to your identity as someone who can’t do the thing you’re trying to do. Instead, you gave yourself “x” number of emergency passes, and you used one of them, intentionally, purposefully.
Adopt a “Growth Mindset”:
Based on Carol Dweck’s work, a growth mindset recognizes ability isn’t fixed and can be developed through effort.
Use Self-Affirmations:
Focus on moments of personal success to stay confident and build resilience against self-doubt.
Chapter 7: Conformity
There’s a popular saying in the self-development world attributed to motivational speaker Jim Rohn that “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” Milkman’s work supports this famous maxim and reinforces us how profoundly those around us affect our behavior:
Success Leaves Clues:
“When we’re unsure of ourselves,” Milkman reminds us, “a powerful way the people around us can help boost our capacity and confidence is by showing us what’s possible . . . The next time you’re falling short of a goal, look to high-achieving peers for answers.” So, one way to “supercharge” positive peer influence is to find folks who have achieved what you want to achieve and start “copying and pasting their methods,” a suggestion that reminds me of another quote from Jim Rohn: “Success leaves clues.”
Surround Yourself with Achievers:
If you want to achieve big goals, it’s important to surround yourself with high achievers because peer groups affect our decisions. Spending your time with “low achievers” can be harmful.
Find Successful Peers from Similar Backgrounds:
As you might expect, we are influenced by peers we are close to but who also have similar situations and backgrounds. The more similar they are, the more we’re influenced by their actions.
Accountability to Peers Motivates Change:
Because most of us care about gaining the approval of our peers, “feeling watched by groups of other people changes your behavior.” This partly explains why public pledges (soft commitment devices) can be effective.
Chapter 8: Changing for Good
The last chapter of Milkman’s book makes the important point that behavior change is an ongoing process that requires continual work and commitment. We’re always fighting against the inertia of staying the same:
The internal obstacles that stand in the way of change, which I’ve described in this book—obstacles such as temptation, forgetfulness, underconfidence, and laziness—are like the symptoms of a chronic disease. They won’t just go away once you’ve started “treating” them. They’re human nature and require constant vigilance.
While it may seem like common sense that “if and when our efforts stop, we should expect to see ourselves and others begin to relapse (and the sooner we stop, the more relapse we should anticipate),” it’s easy to feel like you’ve “won” and turned a corner when, in fact, you’re still in the middle of an ongoing struggle, fighting the regression to the mean.
To ensure we continue to stick with the new behaviors we adopt, Milkman offers a final reminder to have “tailored goals that acknowledge and match your strengths and weaknesses,” and encouragingly, to remember that “By diagnosing the internal obstacles you face and consistently using solutions customized to help you succeed, evidence and experience show that you really can get from where you are to where you want to be.”
Want to Learn More?
Consider purchasing How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be
Watch/listen to her interview with Lewis Howes on The School of Greatness
Want to Read about My Ongoing Journey to Change?
What strategies have you used to create positive behavior change in your life? Let me know in the comments below!
What I took from this essay is the revelation that many people see having a baby as a fresh start. I had no idea! I’ve never had kids myself. I always thought you prepared for a baby by battening down the hatches “Okay everyone! This is what we trained for! No sudden moves or crazy ideas for the next 5 years.”
But I am often surprised by the dynamic I see in podcast guests for a show I produce. It’s almost like clockwork. Wife gets pregnant and husband suddenly decides to take out a large loan and buy a business. I’m not saying it’s a bad idea but the timing baffles me. That’s a big risk and a lot of added stress on top of a new baby.
But after reading your essay I think I understand better. If someone sees a new baby as a fresh start, a clean slate, then logically it seems like the best time to start something new. New baby, new job, new schedule, new routine, why not just change everything at once since it’s already changing.