I so identify with the desire to run away, to give up even leaving responsibly. It's a feeling that has come up for me multiple times in my life. When I shared that feeling once, a female colleague told me, "Every woman everywhere wants to run away." I've never forgotten that, not only because I realized I wasn't alone, but because what's wrong with our lives if we all - men and women - so often harbor a desire to run away from them.
Thank you for sharing Sarah. I often wonder that as well: what is this thing we're trying to run away from and is it avoidable? Inevitable? Symptomatic of how I and others have chosen to organize our lives? Regardless of the answer, it's comforting to know I'm not alone (albeit in a sad way). Thanks again for being here and for your thoughtful comment.
I realized in 2020 that I don't have it in me to ditch. I can quit, yes. Absolutely. I've walked away from plenty of jobs and situations that weren't working. But pretending to be sick or "quiet quitting" while I'm still there? Oh God, I could never. My inner Hermione would never let me. I envy people who can, though.
The closest I ever got was at my last job. I was required to go to a weekly zoom meeting to represent my department in a "Let's go in a circle and all try to impress each other with our fake achievements" roundtable. I would completely zone out until I heard someone say my name, then I'd give my report and zone out again. I kid you not, the head of HR resigned during the meeting once and I totally missed it.
Anyway, back to your essay. I hear this from parents a lot. That when the kids are young and need attention 24/7, there's a lot of drudgery involved. Of course they love their kids. That goes without saying. It's the whole reason they're willing to do the drudgery in the first place. I just mean that you're not alone. Laundry, dishes, laundry, dishes
Growing up, I watched Groundhog Day a lot. All through my childhood and 20's I thought Groundhog Day was literally about the phenomenon of being stuck in April 2nd. Then I got some more life experience and realized with horror that it was a metaphor for adulthood.
I wonder how different the movie would have been if Phil Conners woke up every day as a parent with a toddler who never got older.
Hi Pam. Thank you for the kind words and for this comment. I respect the inner Hermione, and I wish I had such a virtuous force to guide me but alas!
Regarding your story, I don't blame you for zoning out during those Zoom meetings—I've been in plenty of those (ack!). Sometimes I think if I had been a high school student during the pandemic, I probably would have never gone to class. It was hard enough going to work.
And someone should definitely make that version of Groundhog Day—I'd watch it 😂
Love this and can relate to much of it. The feeling of not being in school on a sunny afternoon , hanging out with mates , having fun away from uninspiring classrooms is wonderful rebellion and is often included in my writing. I could say loads more but will keep it short.
Yes! "Performative adulthood." My new favorite term. I think we all feel it at times. It's easy to feel like between parenting and work, the endless hamster wheel can feel like a slog.
What I love about this is your recognition and acceptance of your "you can't make me" streak. Even as we check conventional life boxes and demonstrate our ability to work within measures of success/norms of society and culture...we are who we are. Teenagers are special creatures, but some of our strongest personality quirks/strengths reveal themselves during these years I think, and perhaps it's not so much about dismissing immature brains as it is about figuring out where and how we fit into this world as adults.
I recently repierced the multiple holes in my ears that I had as a teenager. I loved all my earrings, way before "earscaping" was a thing. It was a spur of the moment decision, but I realized that I only ever let them close up because I thought that's what grown-ups did, that all those hoops and studs were just a teenage girl going through a rebellious phase. Now I know it's just my style, and it always has been.
Thanks for this thoughtful comment Maria and for sharing. The kind words are always appreciated.
I agree with you completely, especially the idea "it's not so much about dismissing immature brains as it is about figuring out where and how we fit into this world as adults." Well said.
And so happy you went for it and repierced your ears! Isn't it funny how we determine what adulthood is or "what grown-ups" do? I have so many feelings about that, definitely material for another post. Although I will say that I wanted to get snake bite piercings in high school, and I'm so glad I didn't. Definitely not my style 😅
What love about that particular Ferris Bueller quote is it's about being present, enjoying the moment that you are in. That could work if you are enjoying freedom with your friends or in a boring office meeting. It all depends on how you approach it.
Ditching “performative adulthood” (love this phrase♥️) — what an empowering impulse/vision to meet yourself where you are now, to embrace genuine adulthood, complete with miraculous joy, and inevitable daily frustrations and exhaustion. Thank you for sharing these stories♥️
I got super sick twice over from adulting too hard, and I finally said FUCK IT!!!!
My kids are grown and I don’t have a bunch of debt, so I left my increasingly awful government job and went on my own, only doing the part of the job I LIKED (that they took away).
It’s kind of a thing to adjust to, but I’m not doing too badly.
I can relate to so much of your experiences except I wasn't mine was 15 or so years earlier and in rural Pennsylvania.
Ferris Bueller came out when I was a junior and high school and I saw it in the theater! I wanted to live vicariously through Ferris. My husband a years older than me, hates the movie.
Ferris annoys me now! I am a mother of a teen maybe that's why. I can identify with principle Roony now. I can relate to every character at different parts of my life. Have you ever heard of the Cameron theory? That they were all parts of him.
I want to escape to those carefree days too. Life gets so heavy sometimes. To be 17 again
Your writing was spot on again. Thanks for sharing with us
Hi Jane! Isn't it funny how our relationship to art or a cult classic evolves as we age? Like I wrote about in the piece, these days I find myself sympathizing with Ben Stein's character, and now I feel like the teacher boring everyone to tears rather than the young teenager ready to ditch class! I'm sure once my kids grow up and become teenagers I'll see Ferris differently as well.
I've never heard of the Cameron theory, but that's fascinating! I'll have to look into it—I love fan theories/interpretations like that.
Thanks for sharing Jane and for your thoughtful comment as always. Here's to a carefree week! (Is such a thing possible? Hmmm.)
I so identify with the desire to run away, to give up even leaving responsibly. It's a feeling that has come up for me multiple times in my life. When I shared that feeling once, a female colleague told me, "Every woman everywhere wants to run away." I've never forgotten that, not only because I realized I wasn't alone, but because what's wrong with our lives if we all - men and women - so often harbor a desire to run away from them.
Thank you for sharing Sarah. I often wonder that as well: what is this thing we're trying to run away from and is it avoidable? Inevitable? Symptomatic of how I and others have chosen to organize our lives? Regardless of the answer, it's comforting to know I'm not alone (albeit in a sad way). Thanks again for being here and for your thoughtful comment.
A great piece. Loved the video too!
I realized in 2020 that I don't have it in me to ditch. I can quit, yes. Absolutely. I've walked away from plenty of jobs and situations that weren't working. But pretending to be sick or "quiet quitting" while I'm still there? Oh God, I could never. My inner Hermione would never let me. I envy people who can, though.
The closest I ever got was at my last job. I was required to go to a weekly zoom meeting to represent my department in a "Let's go in a circle and all try to impress each other with our fake achievements" roundtable. I would completely zone out until I heard someone say my name, then I'd give my report and zone out again. I kid you not, the head of HR resigned during the meeting once and I totally missed it.
Anyway, back to your essay. I hear this from parents a lot. That when the kids are young and need attention 24/7, there's a lot of drudgery involved. Of course they love their kids. That goes without saying. It's the whole reason they're willing to do the drudgery in the first place. I just mean that you're not alone. Laundry, dishes, laundry, dishes
Growing up, I watched Groundhog Day a lot. All through my childhood and 20's I thought Groundhog Day was literally about the phenomenon of being stuck in April 2nd. Then I got some more life experience and realized with horror that it was a metaphor for adulthood.
I wonder how different the movie would have been if Phil Conners woke up every day as a parent with a toddler who never got older.
Hi Pam. Thank you for the kind words and for this comment. I respect the inner Hermione, and I wish I had such a virtuous force to guide me but alas!
Regarding your story, I don't blame you for zoning out during those Zoom meetings—I've been in plenty of those (ack!). Sometimes I think if I had been a high school student during the pandemic, I probably would have never gone to class. It was hard enough going to work.
And someone should definitely make that version of Groundhog Day—I'd watch it 😂
Thanks again for the great comment!
Really enjoyed the "Ferris"-reference. Loved it so much in the 90ies.
Thanks Jens! Such a classic 😎
Love this and can relate to much of it. The feeling of not being in school on a sunny afternoon , hanging out with mates , having fun away from uninspiring classrooms is wonderful rebellion and is often included in my writing. I could say loads more but will keep it short.
Thanks Margi! "Wonderful rebellion" is the perfect way to describe it 😊. I appreciate your comment, and I'll be sure to check out your work.
I love this piece!
Thank you Alicia! I appreciate the kind words 😊
Yes! "Performative adulthood." My new favorite term. I think we all feel it at times. It's easy to feel like between parenting and work, the endless hamster wheel can feel like a slog.
What I love about this is your recognition and acceptance of your "you can't make me" streak. Even as we check conventional life boxes and demonstrate our ability to work within measures of success/norms of society and culture...we are who we are. Teenagers are special creatures, but some of our strongest personality quirks/strengths reveal themselves during these years I think, and perhaps it's not so much about dismissing immature brains as it is about figuring out where and how we fit into this world as adults.
I recently repierced the multiple holes in my ears that I had as a teenager. I loved all my earrings, way before "earscaping" was a thing. It was a spur of the moment decision, but I realized that I only ever let them close up because I thought that's what grown-ups did, that all those hoops and studs were just a teenage girl going through a rebellious phase. Now I know it's just my style, and it always has been.
Thanks for this thoughtful comment Maria and for sharing. The kind words are always appreciated.
I agree with you completely, especially the idea "it's not so much about dismissing immature brains as it is about figuring out where and how we fit into this world as adults." Well said.
And so happy you went for it and repierced your ears! Isn't it funny how we determine what adulthood is or "what grown-ups" do? I have so many feelings about that, definitely material for another post. Although I will say that I wanted to get snake bite piercings in high school, and I'm so glad I didn't. Definitely not my style 😅
💯😂 Yes, a bit different than a few extra ear piercings, but a style nonetheless. Glad you were able to override your adolescent prefrontal cortex.😉
What love about that particular Ferris Bueller quote is it's about being present, enjoying the moment that you are in. That could work if you are enjoying freedom with your friends or in a boring office meeting. It all depends on how you approach it.
Hi Janine! Yes, exactly! Such wisdom from Mr. Bueller, and I'm still working on putting it into practice.
Ditching “performative adulthood” (love this phrase♥️) — what an empowering impulse/vision to meet yourself where you are now, to embrace genuine adulthood, complete with miraculous joy, and inevitable daily frustrations and exhaustion. Thank you for sharing these stories♥️
Hi Sharon. Thank you for the kind words and for reading. I appreciate your presence here 🙏🏻
I got super sick twice over from adulting too hard, and I finally said FUCK IT!!!!
My kids are grown and I don’t have a bunch of debt, so I left my increasingly awful government job and went on my own, only doing the part of the job I LIKED (that they took away).
It’s kind of a thing to adjust to, but I’m not doing too badly.
Good for you Shelly!
There should be a Ferris Bueller 2. I'm curious to see if he became jaded, syndicate and had a teenage son like himself
I never thought about that—Ferris Bueller as dad to another Ferris? I'd watch that, for sure 😅
I can relate to so much of your experiences except I wasn't mine was 15 or so years earlier and in rural Pennsylvania.
Ferris Bueller came out when I was a junior and high school and I saw it in the theater! I wanted to live vicariously through Ferris. My husband a years older than me, hates the movie.
Ferris annoys me now! I am a mother of a teen maybe that's why. I can identify with principle Roony now. I can relate to every character at different parts of my life. Have you ever heard of the Cameron theory? That they were all parts of him.
I want to escape to those carefree days too. Life gets so heavy sometimes. To be 17 again
Your writing was spot on again. Thanks for sharing with us
Hi Jane! Isn't it funny how our relationship to art or a cult classic evolves as we age? Like I wrote about in the piece, these days I find myself sympathizing with Ben Stein's character, and now I feel like the teacher boring everyone to tears rather than the young teenager ready to ditch class! I'm sure once my kids grow up and become teenagers I'll see Ferris differently as well.
I've never heard of the Cameron theory, but that's fascinating! I'll have to look into it—I love fan theories/interpretations like that.
Thanks for sharing Jane and for your thoughtful comment as always. Here's to a carefree week! (Is such a thing possible? Hmmm.)
I think I can relate to most of the grown up characters now lol. I've heard of the Cameron theory, not sure how true but interesting