This is such a relatable piece, Jacob. Your words brought me right back to similar moments when my boys were younger. Resisting the primal urge to soothe our children is so hard on our hearts; I don't think I'll ever forget how hard it was.
"No one told me so much of being a parent involves learning and knowing when to let go." Amen. I also didn't read the fine print where it says that this truth applies pretty much forever until...I don't know? Someone help me out here. My oldest is 16 and I am still trying to figure this out.
Thank you Maria! I appreciate you sharing, and it’s nice to know I’m not alone in feeling this way and that it doesn’t go away even when they’re older! I guess that’s what happens when you love someone so much!
Sorry for the delayed response! 😅 I appreciate your time and comments as always 😊
I listened to your post while driving to work this am and it took me back to the time when I dropped by son off at pre school. The drop off and walking away is so hard! My son is 16 and though the years there have been more moments of letting go and micromoments too. Now 1st job for him and very soon driving and even scarier driving with friends
I think so too. I'm assuming you are the mom of a teen or teens also? It's a whole new territory when they drive and become more independent, but it's wonderful at the same time
Agreed. My oldest just got his license in March. I was a mess when he first took off solo, but I have to say it’s kind of liberating too. For both of us! I also have a 14-yr old and a 10-yr old.
I enjoyed this read so much, I've probably read it 3x already today. It's so beautifully written and I felt like I was on that ride - well, I felt like I was at the daycare with you, fighting tears and all. I won't lie, I did choke up when your Dad was like eff that, I'm taking you with me. I'm imagining that I'd probably do that same thing, I'm not as mature as you lol! Thank you for sharing Jacob =)
I just watched the video. I wonder what that story meant to your dad? There must have been a reason that he told it over and over.
Was he, in the retelling, trying to convince himself he did the right thing? Does that story make him feel good about his role as your protective dad?
And more importantly (you don’t have to answer this), when you think about that story of your dad carrying you out of daycare, how do you feel about yourself?
I asked him, and he said he told it more in the context of recognizing and trying to work through his own overprotective tendencies. Now that I’m a dad, I see a lot of these same traits in myself, so we’ll revisit the story from time to time just as a way of thinking through how hard it is to make the right decisions as a dad or to even know what the “right” decision is when you’re a new parent (like he was and I am).
To answer your question, I just feel nothing but love for my dad. There’s more to say there, and I’ll write about it plenty over the next year or so. Dad will also be doing a video interview with me next month and maybe I’ll ask him 😎. Thanks again for your thoughtful comment and time! Sorry for the delayed response 😅
This was so well written. It brought up a lot of uncomfortable memories for me.
I don’t have kids but I worked in a large daycare for almost 5 years. It was a masterclass in parental guilt.
There are so many things that trigger parental shame. One is kids crying but surprisingly, parents can also feel bad when their kids happily run away from them to join their class and don’t look back.
Some parents actually want their kids to cry at drop off. It affirms their sense of being needed and loved.
I saw one mom who would regularly hang around in her 3-year old’s classroom after drop off until her son started crying for her to stay. I don’t think she was a scheming, evil woman. Like most of us, she was probably not even aware that she was getting her needs met in unhealthy ways.
Thanks for the thoughtful comment and for sharing Pam! You’re absolutely right that so much can trigger parental shame, and also how easy it is for parents to have their emotional needs met in unhealthy ways. And, as I’ve written about elsewhere, sometimes you just want to hear/know your children love you. Just so many emotions to work through and be aware of 😅. I definitely don’t get it right all the time, but I think this piece is ultimately about navigating all these feelings.
The video was an awesome addition (no shame in needed coffee as a parent lol) and the read reminded me of the first time I dropped my baby girl off. She let us and the daycare know her displeasure for a week straight 😭
My twin girls are now almost 4, and the first daycare day almost broke me. Somehow it was easier with my son. He was attached, but less emotional. I was able to talk to him and while painful it did not gut me emotionally like the girls.
I feel that! It's always hard to take that first step of letting go, her from your hand, yours from hers, but it's all a part of life, learning and growing. You've well captured that ambivalence and eventual pride having done so in this essay!
This is such a relatable piece, Jacob. Your words brought me right back to similar moments when my boys were younger. Resisting the primal urge to soothe our children is so hard on our hearts; I don't think I'll ever forget how hard it was.
"No one told me so much of being a parent involves learning and knowing when to let go." Amen. I also didn't read the fine print where it says that this truth applies pretty much forever until...I don't know? Someone help me out here. My oldest is 16 and I am still trying to figure this out.
Thank you Maria! I appreciate you sharing, and it’s nice to know I’m not alone in feeling this way and that it doesn’t go away even when they’re older! I guess that’s what happens when you love someone so much!
Sorry for the delayed response! 😅 I appreciate your time and comments as always 😊
We are living parallel lives Maria!! lol! Just saw this
I listened to your post while driving to work this am and it took me back to the time when I dropped by son off at pre school. The drop off and walking away is so hard! My son is 16 and though the years there have been more moments of letting go and micromoments too. Now 1st job for him and very soon driving and even scarier driving with friends
Thanks Jane for sharing. It’s a reminder that this is an ongoing process and to give ourselves some grace while we learn 😊.
And sorry for the delayed response to your comment! 😅
No worries at all about he response! I'm looking forward to seeing more of your writing
Jane, we are living parallel lives!
I think so too. I'm assuming you are the mom of a teen or teens also? It's a whole new territory when they drive and become more independent, but it's wonderful at the same time
Agreed. My oldest just got his license in March. I was a mess when he first took off solo, but I have to say it’s kind of liberating too. For both of us! I also have a 14-yr old and a 10-yr old.
I enjoyed this read so much, I've probably read it 3x already today. It's so beautifully written and I felt like I was on that ride - well, I felt like I was at the daycare with you, fighting tears and all. I won't lie, I did choke up when your Dad was like eff that, I'm taking you with me. I'm imagining that I'd probably do that same thing, I'm not as mature as you lol! Thank you for sharing Jacob =)
Thank you Katie! It means so much to me you were able to feel the emotion of this piece including my dad’s decision to just get out of there! 🤣
I appreciate your comment! Sorry for the delayed response! Life has been a bit overwhelming lately 😮💨
Life happens, it’s ok! (I’ll still be here🫶🏽)
I just watched the video. I wonder what that story meant to your dad? There must have been a reason that he told it over and over.
Was he, in the retelling, trying to convince himself he did the right thing? Does that story make him feel good about his role as your protective dad?
And more importantly (you don’t have to answer this), when you think about that story of your dad carrying you out of daycare, how do you feel about yourself?
I asked him, and he said he told it more in the context of recognizing and trying to work through his own overprotective tendencies. Now that I’m a dad, I see a lot of these same traits in myself, so we’ll revisit the story from time to time just as a way of thinking through how hard it is to make the right decisions as a dad or to even know what the “right” decision is when you’re a new parent (like he was and I am).
To answer your question, I just feel nothing but love for my dad. There’s more to say there, and I’ll write about it plenty over the next year or so. Dad will also be doing a video interview with me next month and maybe I’ll ask him 😎. Thanks again for your thoughtful comment and time! Sorry for the delayed response 😅
This was so well written. It brought up a lot of uncomfortable memories for me.
I don’t have kids but I worked in a large daycare for almost 5 years. It was a masterclass in parental guilt.
There are so many things that trigger parental shame. One is kids crying but surprisingly, parents can also feel bad when their kids happily run away from them to join their class and don’t look back.
Some parents actually want their kids to cry at drop off. It affirms their sense of being needed and loved.
I saw one mom who would regularly hang around in her 3-year old’s classroom after drop off until her son started crying for her to stay. I don’t think she was a scheming, evil woman. Like most of us, she was probably not even aware that she was getting her needs met in unhealthy ways.
Thanks for the thoughtful comment and for sharing Pam! You’re absolutely right that so much can trigger parental shame, and also how easy it is for parents to have their emotional needs met in unhealthy ways. And, as I’ve written about elsewhere, sometimes you just want to hear/know your children love you. Just so many emotions to work through and be aware of 😅. I definitely don’t get it right all the time, but I think this piece is ultimately about navigating all these feelings.
Yeah, that's a tough moment. You nailed it with "No one told me so much of being a parent involves learning and knowing when to let go."
That's the thing nothing can prepare you for.
Exactly! It’s one of those things in life you just have to live through and experience for yourself.
Well said. Totally relate to this, it brings me back.
Oh man. I laughed out loud and wanted to cry. Really sweet piece. This will be me in three months and I just don’t know how I’m going to do it.
Glad you pulled this out the archive!
The video was an awesome addition (no shame in needed coffee as a parent lol) and the read reminded me of the first time I dropped my baby girl off. She let us and the daycare know her displeasure for a week straight 😭
My twin girls are now almost 4, and the first daycare day almost broke me. Somehow it was easier with my son. He was attached, but less emotional. I was able to talk to him and while painful it did not gut me emotionally like the girls.
I feel that! It's always hard to take that first step of letting go, her from your hand, yours from hers, but it's all a part of life, learning and growing. You've well captured that ambivalence and eventual pride having done so in this essay!